The Winter 2016 - 2017 Edition of the Boro Bamboozler is here! The paper is FREE so share it with anyone you know, and those you don't know that you want to confuse very badly.
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A quarterly journal of bizarre local "news" and politics.
Thursday, January 26, 2017
True Blue Enquiry Launched
The MTSU Philosophy Dept. today launched an enquiry into what is “True” and what is “Blue”. Can a student be both true and blue? Just blue and not true? What about truly blue, but living an un-authentic and false existential dirge of an life devoid of any qualities of “trueness”?
Can a person become so entirely True that all Falseness is repelled by them including the False and Lying Colour Blue Which Does Not Exist and Defrauds All Senses?
For all these questions, that at the time of printing do not have acceptable and scientific answers, Dr. Ron Bombardi, Head of the MTSU Philosophy Dept has insisted that Giant and Very Prominent Question Marks be added to the MTSU logo.
Can a person become so entirely True that all Falseness is repelled by them including the False and Lying Colour Blue Which Does Not Exist and Defrauds All Senses?
For all these questions, that at the time of printing do not have acceptable and scientific answers, Dr. Ron Bombardi, Head of the MTSU Philosophy Dept has insisted that Giant and Very Prominent Question Marks be added to the MTSU logo.
Gateway to Murfreesboro to Facilitate Time Travelers
Murfreesboro City Council today had an exciting announcement.
"We had been sitting on this one for a while, but we are proud to proclaim that the new Gateway to Murfreesboro, that has been under construction for quite some time will feature an off ramp for time-travelers."The council went on to explain, loudly in unison, that they are excited to increase tourism in our time-period as well as all others, so that so many many more can share Our Quaint Southern Town.
"This did significantly lengthen the construction time, but we do believe the wait will be worth it."When asked about the dangers of Time-Pirates, The Police hurriedly ushered all press from the council chambers.
Wire Guitar Man Lives
Murfreesboro residents have reported that the Wire Guitar Man, in front of the Music World and Drummer’s Den, has begun dancing, singing in long joyous chants, and telling the fortunes of those lucky enough to meet it.
The Wire Man, who is already well known as being a Pokestop on S Church St, has certainly caused quite a commotion.
Men and women have consulted the living statue for relationship advice, children have asked when they will get ice cream for dinner. When asked what this all about, the statue who could be seen shuffling a Rider-Waite Tarot Deck responded, “It’s all just about the music, man.”
The Wire Man, who is already well known as being a Pokestop on S Church St, has certainly caused quite a commotion.
Men and women have consulted the living statue for relationship advice, children have asked when they will get ice cream for dinner. When asked what this all about, the statue who could be seen shuffling a Rider-Waite Tarot Deck responded, “It’s all just about the music, man.”
Goodwill Reveals Round Up Details
Goodwill Industries of Middle TN released a statement today, under pressure from recently closing all but 6 Career Solutions Centers, to refocus just what it is they do with all that Round Up money.
Goody Goodson and Chris Fletcher, speaking jointly on behalf of the Company clarified,
Speaking further, from the heart, they elaborated,
Goody Goodson and Chris Fletcher, speaking jointly on behalf of the Company clarified,
“The program, while clearly not funding job programs, does however help us send live
scorpions and spiders to children in need.”
Speaking further, from the heart, they elaborated,
“Young People today often grow up without the kind of character-building that lethal poisoning can provide, and we are proud to make real difference”
Great Murfree Tree Awakens
The Great Oak Tree in Oaklands Mansion Park, that is over 150 years old, has awoken from its long slumber to choose a champion. A child of the forest has been selected, whose destiny will be to face President Donald J. Trump, holder of the Triforce of Power, in Armed Magickal Combat.
First the child, who is to be clad in green as per custom, must travel and collect three Magic Gems, then retrieve the Master Sword from Bohemian Grove, where it has been guarded for the past century by Wicked Occultists.
If successful, the President will be Banished to the Realm of the Void for Eternity. When asked why all this had not happened sooner, because certainly straits in America and elsewhere have been dire for some time, The Great Murfree Tree commented, "Sorry, I overslept."
First the child, who is to be clad in green as per custom, must travel and collect three Magic Gems, then retrieve the Master Sword from Bohemian Grove, where it has been guarded for the past century by Wicked Occultists.
If successful, the President will be Banished to the Realm of the Void for Eternity. When asked why all this had not happened sooner, because certainly straits in America and elsewhere have been dire for some time, The Great Murfree Tree commented, "Sorry, I overslept."
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Robert Arnold Statement Regarding Changling
Former Sheriff Robert Arnold released a statement today as follows, “That isn’t me out there, it is 125% a body double from the Nega-Verse. I’m innocent.,” he went on to explain, “There’s been a terrible mistake,” and that further accused the double of being a Wicked changling before we lost his transmission from somewhere in space-time.
“Please, please, somebody help me. I don’t know where I am, PLEASE somebody get me outta here.”
were the last words recorded from our office morse-code converting seismograph, courtiously donated by the MTSU Geology Dept.
“Please, please, somebody help me. I don’t know where I am, PLEASE somebody get me outta here.”
were the last words recorded from our office morse-code converting seismograph, courtiously donated by the MTSU Geology Dept.
Greenway System Gains Corporate Sponsorship
Murfreesboro City Council today announced a new city-corporate sponsorship. Speaking from the Chamber of Commerce, spokesperson Amy Bryant stated that Aperture Science would be sponsoring the Greenway walking trail system that we all, “Enjoy so very much.”.
The Greenway in addition to the new trails, and connections to roadways already underway will be connected to all trails, all greenways, in all places, at all times through a complex rigging of motion detected Portals. The new improvements are expected to really drive tourism to Murfreesboro and we at the Bamboozler are sure excited about these improvements.
The Greenway in addition to the new trails, and connections to roadways already underway will be connected to all trails, all greenways, in all places, at all times through a complex rigging of motion detected Portals. The new improvements are expected to really drive tourism to Murfreesboro and we at the Bamboozler are sure excited about these improvements.
Wafflehouse Vandalized
The new Wafflehouse, which just opened on S Church St, Police confirm,
has been vandalized. In the brightest red like poison berries, spray paint reads, “ Bring back the dollar menu!”, and “Yal b****s too expensive!
In response to this threat, Gary Willis, store manager has installed several turrets that will fire off rounds of raw eggs at any vandalous activity.
”Nobody f***s with the Waffle House.” Willis further clarified, “NOBODY.”
has been vandalized. In the brightest red like poison berries, spray paint reads, “ Bring back the dollar menu!”, and “Yal b****s too expensive!
In response to this threat, Gary Willis, store manager has installed several turrets that will fire off rounds of raw eggs at any vandalous activity.
”Nobody f***s with the Waffle House.” Willis further clarified, “NOBODY.”
Merger Forms "Camino Realty"
In a press release jointly from Red Realty and Camino Real, it was announced today that the companies would be merging into one company, Camino Realty.
Concerned customers should be assuaged,
“Fear not,” the release stated, “now the best mortgages are available in the best of flavors and spices, while the Mexican cuisine you know and love will be available in the lowest of interest rates. All locations of Camino Real and Red Realty will converted to serve both brands of products by March 34th, this/next year.
Concerned customers should be assuaged,
“Fear not,” the release stated, “now the best mortgages are available in the best of flavors and spices, while the Mexican cuisine you know and love will be available in the lowest of interest rates. All locations of Camino Real and Red Realty will converted to serve both brands of products by March 34th, this/next year.
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